Why Are You Dating?

The birthday festivities continued into the weekend. We danced, we dined-- it was marvelous. Afterward Brady and I headed to my parents for yet another game night. I stayed downstairs with the high schoolers reveling in their teenage drama and the fact that they'll look back one day and have a face palm moment. 

Was I really ever so naive to believe that I knew everything?

I know that when I was 16 I whole heartedly believed that I was ready for adult responsibility. That I could get married, settle down, start a family-- and I could have. But I'm glad I didn't. I was still figuring out who I was at 16 I don't know how I intended to contribute anything meaningful (other than feelings) to a relationship.

My parents got married when they were young and unestablished. For so long I believed that was how you were supposed to do it. By the time I was 18 I felt like an old maid--it depressed me because I felt like I was supposed to have my life all pieced together by then... much like my parents. What I failed to take into account was my parents relationship in their first 6 years of marriage. It was terribly hard. Divorce was contemplated. Two kids that hadn't even figured themselves out entered into an adult union.

Growing up was forced instead of gradual. 

God inevitably intervened and my parents are still together but if he hadn't. Things were headed downhill fast. There is no telling where we'd all be today. There probably wouldn't be seven of us. I know I wouldn't have the same view of marriage that I do today.

My point-- there is so much pressure, when you're a girl in high school, to date, to be in a relationship, to find your "soul mate". My perspective--the perspective of a former teenager-- I don't think it's smart to date in high school-- if you're looking for a spouse. I think it is best to wait until your hormones have calmed down and your brain is running the show instead of your heart (Jeremiah 17:9).

Sure. There are people who meet in high school, get married, and spend the rest of their lives together. I'm not saying it doesn't work. I just think it makes it harder in the beginning. It absolutely makes it harder to stay pure. If you meet the love of your life when you're a freshman you better be walking pretty close to Jesus because the next four years are going to be rough and at 14 you don't really have the option to marry instead of burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:9). At 14 there is pretty much only burning.

When I was 16 I had a boyfriend who I wanted to marry. It would have been awful if we did. We were two completely different people-- though we sure did love each other a lot. Love is not enough to make it work. If there are no common goals or interests-- if Christ is not the center of your relationship and life. It doesn't work. Don't even let your heart go there (Proverbs 4:23).

"In whatever man does without God, he must fail miserably or succeed even more miserably." *George McDonald

There was a four year period of time where I struggled to move on. The heart is really a deceitful, wicked, thing (Jeremiah 17:9). I almost missed out on the best thing that has ever happened to me because of it. I was still talking to my ex when I met Brady. I very quickly realized that if I wanted to be in a healthy relationship with anyone I had to permanently sever ties.

It wasn't easy and that is why I love speaking to the younger generation about these things. Because I've been there. Because my parents have been there. Because history loves to repeat itself. Because no matter how much that 14 year old boy tells you he loves you--you are still not ready to marry him and he is still not ready to marry you. And if neither one of you are in a position to get married-- why are you dating?

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Brady and I have been talking about starting a blog for awhile. It's not that we think we're interesting, though we do, just that both of us feel like we have a lot to say. This(blogging), we both agree, is a sufficient way to express what we have to say. We both like to be heard. I think that's one of the many reasons why we adore each other. We both understand the other's need to speak out.

We weren't planning on starting this blog until life settled down a bit. We definitely didn't plan to start it on our honeymoon but something happened tonight that made me want to 'speak out'. It's not a statement or a declaration, more like a diary entry that I want to share.

Brady and I are here in San Antonio, TX on our honeymoon. It's been a wonderful, mind blowing week. Quite possibly the best of both our lives. Tonight we decided to stroll the Riverwalk and have dinner at the HardRock Cafe. After dinner and a couple drinks we decided to go in search of the bar Coyote Ugly. I've always secretly wanted to be a Coyote, I just love Jesus too much. We ended up getting turned around, and stopped to regroup on a well lit corner.

A couple nice looking guys asked Brady for the time, and began to walk on. We didn't think anything of it until one of them summed up the courage to ask us if we could give the two of them some money for dinner. The other stood off to the side and looked at his feet, you could tell it was a humbling experience for both of them. He went on to say that they were only in San Antonio for the night, and didn't have any money to eat. Brady didn't even hesitate. He pulled out his wallet, and handed the brave one a bill.

You could tell that they didn't expect us to actually help them by the looks on their faces. Brady sent them on their way, and we continued our search for the bar. Let me just stop to say that I love my husband. He is so generous, and kind. I don't know many who would have helped the two.

Not five minutes later we were crossing underneath a bridge, back on the Riverwalk, and a homeless man stopped us and asked if he could sing us a song to earn a few bucks. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the Holy Spirit but we stopped, and let him sing. He was terrible. He was loud, and smelly, and scaring the other couples that walked by.

After he had finished two songs, I asked him if I could sing for him. Anything to get him to stop. I got him to sit down beside me, and after a second of prayer I launched in to 'Here I am to Worship' and hoped for the best. He got teary eyed and sat silently as I sang. After I finished, I thanked him for taking the time to listen to me and then asked if I could pay him for his time. He readily agreed, and Brady pulled out a bill.

I think that this is the start of a beautiful marriage. We both like to be heard. I think the most meaningful way to speak out is through your actions, and Brady's actions are some of the most beautiful words I've ever heard.