30 Day Shred

shred.
Day three and I'm sore. My thighs are so sore that I would rather run the risk of having an accident than squat to sit down on the toilet. Maybe thats a little too much information... In other news I've made it through the entire workout. Not move for move but I'm seeing an improvement in my endurance and I'm confident that I will get there. It might take me the full 30 Days to get through workout one but if thats what it takes than thats what it takes.

I am so motivated.



Brady's words to me the other night, "you're already the most beautiful girl in the world to me but once you get the weight off you'll really be the most beautiful girl in the world."

I laughed and he told me that he was glad that I wasn't like other girls who get offended easily.



The thing is-- I know I'm overweight. I know I've been over weight for quite sometime. I know it's only gotten worse and not better. I know some of it was do to my auto-immune disease but most of it was because I went from a lot of activity to lazy and then stayed that way for five years.

Pregnancy was hella hard on my body. I needed to lose about 85 lbs before I got pregnant and now? Well ladies and gents I got a whopping 100 lbs to lose and thats just being realistic. I feel like if I'm honest and I get it out there I have no choice but to change.



Because now the entire world knows that I'm 100 lbs overweight. Clinically obese. A fatty. It doesn't hurt my feelings it motivates me to change-- to make it better. I've tried to lose the weight before and it's never worked. I always give up.



I'm scared that this time will be like every other time.

But deep down I know it wont be.

No more crash diets. No more gimmicks or tricks.

I'm going to do this the old fashioned way. It's going to come off slow. It's going to be frustrating and hard. But if I can do this than I can do anything.



My recipes are about to get really boring. :)

Salted Chocolate Pretzel Toffee

I am going to warn you. There is only one good thing about this recipe and that is the scrumptiousness-- other than that there is nothing. No fruits, veggies... not even eggs. I guess thats part of the reason why it tastes so good. It's sinful. Absolutely sinful. 


Reader meet crack bark. Crack bark meet reader. Now indulge.

Ingredients 

• Enough PRETZELS, BROKEN INTO SMALLER PIECES to liberally cover your pan
• 1 CUP (2 STICKS) UNSALTED BUTTER
• 1 CUP LIGHT BROWN SUGAR
• 2 CUPS (ONE 12-OUNCE BAG) CHOCOLATE CHIPS
• SEA SALT

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Line an 11″ x 17″ jelly roll pan with aluminum foil or parchment paper. 
2. Cover the pan in a liberal layer of broken pretzels.
3. In a small saucepan over medium heat, combine the butter and brown sugar. When the mixture starts to gently simmer and bubble, let it cook that way for 3 minutes. (Don’t stir.)
4. Pour the butter and sugar mixture over the pretzels.
5. Bake for 5 minutes.
6. Place the pan on a cooling rack, and immediately sprinkle chocolate chips evenly over the top. Wait for about 2 minutes, until the chocolate melts. Grab a spatula, and spread the chocolate over the toffee. If your chocolate is not cooperating with you place it back in the oven for 30 sec-1 min. Then spread. Sprinkle with sea salt.
7. Let the toffee cool completely, and break it into pieces. (To speed up the cooling process, you can place the pan of toffee in the refrigerator or freezer.)

recipe adapted from ezeapoundcake.com

30 Day Shred

day one.
I made it through eight minutes of the workout before I felt like I was going to toss my cookies. It was quite a shock. I knew it was going to be difficult but I was confident I could at least make it through the entire workout.



My famous last words?



I can do anything for 20 minutes. 





Funny girl. What a startling realization. What a jarring wake up call. I knew I was out of shape-- but unable to make it through a 20 minute workout??



I'm feeling low--a little embarrassed but motivated.



Brady was so encouraging. "Wow! Good job baby!" He exclaimed as I managed to throw down and do half of the pushup set in man form. I used to be able to do 50 of those in a row without stopping and now I can do three before my arms start to tremble and ten before I have to switch to girl form.



As I ran to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet bowl he opened the window to let the breeze come in and told me how impressed he was with me. Even though I ignored him because I knew I didn't have anything nice to say at that particular moment-- It was nice to know he thought I did a good job. I don't know if I'd be as motivated to continue if I didn't have him for support.



Twenty-nine days to go and I know it's going to be an uphill battle. My new goal is to make it all the way through level one without stopping. You gotta start somewhere, right?

Waiting For The Other Shoe

one of those girls.
She is going to be one of those girls who wants to marry her Daddy. It's going to break her heart when he tells her that he's already married to me and you can't marry two people. She flat out refused to eat the other day after he got home from work. She was so caught up in every sound he made and every time he moved that she couldn't bring herself to eat because she was afraid she'd miss something.



I get it.



He's pretty fascinating.

life.
Avey and I have settled into a little routine. She's written her own feeding schedule and she puts herself to bed at night. She is so low maintenance. I was not expecting motherhood to come so naturally but it has. Neither one of us tries hard or does much. We just enjoy each others company. It delights me when I walk into a room and she stops crying and I love how she likes to touch me all the time.



I am someones security.



I am someones home.



I can't believe we were all once so small and dependent.

stranger danger.
Had lunch with a very dear friend of mine this week. Avey has been going through a phase. Brady likes to call it "stranger danger." She starts to cry if Brady or I hand her off to someone else. Sister is stubborn and she likes what she likes.

But at lunch this week she sat on my friend Sarah's lap for an hour and was all pretty smiles and grins.



Looks like Avey found herself a friend.

duplex.
I feel like I'm a tennis ball or a ping pong ball or any ball that gets smacked around back and forth really.  We put in an offer on the duplex. They declined our offer so we put in another-- which also was declined. Then we put in another and it was declined.

Dude. I'll be honest. The first offer was a little bit of a low ball offer but the next two were more than fair. We had no choice but to walk.


We found a piece of property we wanted to buy. We found out that that piece of property was already under contract. We went back to being homeless for a day. Duplex guy came back to us with a counter offer but it wasn't what we wanted so we declined. Then the real estate agents came up with an idea that made everyone happy.



Duplex guy signed the contract.

We're going to be home owners!!!!!!!!!!



Right now it feels a little bit too good to be true so Brady and I are both kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We are iffy excited. 85% excited. 15% iffy.

food.
I love food.



The End.

Banana Bread

Baking is something that the people in my family share a passion for. I think it's because there is so much joy that comes from receiving a compliment or filling someones hungry belly with delicious things. 

It is the deepest desire of my heart to show people love and food is such a tangible way of doing that. 

I was elated when I opened a cookbook full of all the recipes I admired growing up at my wedding shower. My Aunt Kim had worked hard to compile recipes for food and marriage from all the women who love me. It was a very special gift.

This is my Aunt Kim's banana bread recipe. I am delighted to get to share it with you!

Banana bread is definitely one of my comfort foods. There is nothing in the world like warm banana bread with butter in the early morning or late at night with a tall glass of milk.

I hope you get as much use and joy out of this recipe as I have.

Banana Bread 
Ingredients
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup butter
2 eggs
1 1/2 cup mashed ripe bananas (roughly 2)
1/3 cup water
1 2/3 cup flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Grease only bottom of loaf pan.
3. Mix sugar and butter stir in eggs until blended.
4. Add bananas and water. Stir for 30 seconds.
5. Stir in all remaining ingredients except for nuts.
6. Stir in nuts.
7. Pour into pan and bake for 50-60 minutes until toothpick inserted into center comes out dry. 
8. Cool for 5 minutes. 
9. Loosen sides from pan with a knife and remove from pan.

It's Exciting!

After rifling through property after property after our offer on the duplex was declined I came across 22 acres of land in Trenton, Tx. Brady was on the phone when I found it and I did the potty dance as I anxiously waited to tell him what I found.





I acted cool when he finally got off his call. "I'm going to buy this for you." I stated as I turned the computer screen around listed off the details of the property.





Thus began the daydreaming. Going to bed is useless because we stay up talking about all the possibilities. We stay up until we can't keep our eyes open any longer, until we're too tired to talk or plan or dream.





“I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes. 

After that I liked jazz music. 

Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way."
― Donald Miller

I never wanted to live in the country. I never wanted cows, or goats, or chickens. I never wanted to live anywhere but a cookie cutter home in a cookie cutter neighborhood in a cookie cutter town.





I want it now.

"Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way."

Part of being married is falling in love with someone else's dreams so deeply that they become your own. Watching Brady love teaches me how to love things that I never thought I would. 


It's exciting. 

Black-Bottom Cupcakes

We were sick yesterday. Fevers, chills, headaches, runny noses-- you name it. It was awful. Around 2pm we realized that we hadn't eaten and Brady wanted cookies. Brady always wants cookies and usually I am happy to bake them for him-- but yesterday I was tired and not feeling well-- so I made cupcakes instead.

Not really.

We started feeling better around 2pm and so even though he asked for cookies I made cupcakes and we were both so glad that I did.

I keep saying that I am not a sweets eater and I never was but Brady is turning me into a believer. I wasn't craving cheetos today. Today I was craving cake.

Darn you black-bottom cupcakes.

Curse you cookie dough cheesecake.

Being bad never tasted so good...

makes approx. 12 cupcakes. i suggest you double it.

Ingredients

For the Filling:
8 oz. cream cheese, at room temperature
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg, at room temperature
1/3 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

For the Cupcakes:
1½ cups all-purpose flour
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
5 tablespoons naturally unsweetened cacao powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
1 cup water
1/3 cup unflavored vegetable oil
1 tablespoon white vinegar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

Make the Filling: Beat together the cream cheese, granulated sugar, and egg until smooth. Stir in chocolate chips. Set aside.

Make the Cupcakes:
1. Adjust the rack to the center of the oven and preheat to 350°F (175°C). Butter a 12-cup muffin tin, or line the tin with paper muffin cups.

2. In a medium bowl sift together the flour, brown sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl mix together the water, oil, vinegar, and vanilla.

3. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients and stir in the wet ingredients, stirring just until smooth. Stir any longer and you will over mix the batter and end up with less-than-tender cupcakes.

4. Divide the batter among the muffin cups. Spoon a few tablespoons of the filling into the center of each cupcake, dividing the filling evenly. This will fill the cups almost completely, which is fine.

5. Bake for 25 minutes, or until the tops are slightly golden brown and the cupcakes feel springy when gently pressed. These moist treats will keep unrefrigerated for 2 to 3 days if stored in an airtight container.